Knowledge and experience of who I am is situated in several levels of consciousness. There is one kind of self-experience when we are awake. This is the smallest part, the peel of the apple. Below this there is a much greater part of self-knowledge which is called ”the sub-conscious mind”. On this level ”forgotten” memories of pain, threat, anxiety and happiness are stored. Mental programs for defence and survival are also hidden here as well as mental images which influence our choices in life. Much of this is created while we still are small children and usually we are not aware of this. On the most superficial level of the sub-conscious mind new thoughts and ideas are born. We call this ”creativity”. And on the deepest level of the mind, which normally remains unknown to us, a remarkable process takes place which converts mental operations to chemistry and conversely converts chemistry to this confusing function which we call consciousness.
If we try to reach the depths of consciousness we may observe that the core of ourselves seems to be something unique, beautiful, harmonic and whole. Not to mix up with egocentricity which is something quite different. Since thousands of years this kind of deep self-knowledge is known from enlightening and salvation experiences, from near death experiences (NED) and from the use of meditation and other techniques to open up the unconscious mind. Usually this is described more as an elusive and intuitive experience of personal wholeness and fellowship with everything that exists, rather than a logic and rational understanding of the own person.
Every one of us is seeking security in life. We can find temporary security in building an identity which is accepted by others. If they accept this self-image it will be more easy to find security and meaning. At least in social life.
In our culture the experience of identity – who I believe I am – usually depends on early programming. Already as small children we are taught what we are and what we should be, how we shall think, feel and act to be accepted by others. And eventually we know nothing but that our identity are all those attributes that can be accepted by others. When trying to find meaning and security in life we then often believe that we are bound to this identity in order to be accepted by those we relate to.
In a culture which gives high priority to usefulness, ability and capability a persons idea of her own identity will be mainly socially aimed. Especially if this culture puts strong moral emphasis on the needs of others or on the needs of powerful and demanding leaders and organisations of various kind. Most people succed to fit in to this in a fairly accaptable way and will therefore be positively recognized by others which then brings a sense of security in life. Holding on to this kind of personal security requires that nothing will change, not in the outer world, nor in my ability to handle things. But changes are unavoidable and rarely are we able to escape from them. Even the body belongs to the ”outer world” and its capacity will eventually undergo changes as well, may it be injury, illness or aging.
From an existential point of view it would be important to understand that an identity which is totally oriented towards achievements in the world of man is literally life-threatening. If there is a major change of my ability, or in my world, the role which I feel I must play among others to be accepted does not fit anymore. Should I feel that this social role is my real identity, which now is taken from me, the question arises: Who and what am I now? In this confusion there is a risk that I lose my sense of security and can’t see meaning with myself and my life anymore.
Our deepest sense of identity, by philosophers called ”the Self”, tells us that we are unique individuals with an absolute human value, irrespective of how we perform or are accepted by others. The Self will always long for growth and maturity in order to unveil a deeper experience of meaning and wholeness, which in itself is what we call security in life. It represents a core identity which has no absolute need to be acknowledged by others. Do we need anyone to convince us of our longing for, and affinity with, love, wholeness and harmony?
Our innermost longing will always be a wish for greater wholeness and a deeper sense of meaning in life. A person who identifies herself with her social role wants to create security in life by avoiding, or handling, changes in the outer world through reason, logic thinking and rational actions. A person who is aware of her deepest identity, her Self, will on the other hand find security not only by this but also by transforming herself into a greater experience of harmony, wholeness and meaning of life. In this she will not only need logic and rational thinking but also insight created by feeling and intuition coming from the depths of her own mind.
